Can someone proof read my story for me ? (please and thank you)?

since Yahoo obviously cut the story down for you, I think you should leave it just as it is & have the person who reads it to fill in 'the rest of the story.' Actually it's pretty good. If you're only 12, you have a future ahead of you as a writer if you want it. For a title - you could call it 'Rupunzelette - The Unfinished Story'